Theresa was up first.
When you’re getting workshopped, you can’t talk. Your work has to speak for itself. So Theresa sat and silently took notes while the rest of us sat around the table and discussed her story, talking about things like the relationships between her characters, the distinctive voice of her narrator, and the plausibility and implausibility of various aspects of her story. Dr. Bailey played referee, making sure our comments were clear, specific and rooted in the story. You can’t just say, “I thought there were way too many short sentences in this story." You have to provide examples from the text and explain why you feel the way you do.
Then I was up. “Broken” got a better reception than I’d expected. Everyone seemed to like the voice of my narrator, a carpenter named Alan Martin, and the story's specific woodworking details — details I picked up from working in my dad’s workshop for the past four or five summers — really seemed to add authenticity to the story. Someone remarked that they liked how Alan accepting a glass of lemonade from Mrs. Miller (the meddling old woman he’s working for) revealed the “duality of his personality,” because it showed that even though Alan was bitter and in a hurry to get the job done, he still had a heart.
It was only a rough draft, though, so of course there were lots of things to improve. I learned I needed to move key information up toward the beginning of the story instead of lumping it all in at the end — details about Alan’s divorce and his spirituality and the fact that the old woman is a widow. “So the reader knows what’s at stake,” Dr. Bailey explained.
Dr. Bailey emphasized how important it was for me to really bring out how Alan’s divorce impacted his life. “This guy’s in a world of hurt,” he explained. I really needed to show that on the page. He also noted that my title “Broken” was weak. It tied the story up with too nice of a ribbon. Too obvious, too vague. I agreed, but I haven't thought of anything better yet.
Also, everybody (it felt like everybody) pointed out one particular micro-mistake I made. It was just an instance where I was careless with my words. Instead of clearly indicating that Alan draped the old woman’s arm over his shoulder (because Mrs. Miller falls and breaks her ankle on page 8), I left out the word "arm" and wrote that Alan draped the old woman over his shoulder and accidentally created some King-Kong-like imagery.
All in all, the workshop was a really positive experience. I left class with a crystal clear picture of what I’d done right and what I’d done wrong. And I feel confident. After so much constructive criticism, I’m sure my next draft will be a much stronger version of Alan’s story.
